how do you learn about life?

it is such a complexion to comprehend how people work with each other, with emotions, with certain situation, with happiness, sadness or anger.

every each one of individual in this world is so different and when they are put in certain situation it is almost impossible for people to relate and try to understand putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. Because when they say “I know, I understand” no they don’t. it’s just a civilized way to comfort people.

and how can you ever take a side?

how can you ever tell someone that they are right or they are wrong?

isn’t your judgment based on what you believe?

and how can you tell that we are, every human being is given the same belief?

don’t we all find it? create it? isn’t that what shape you into who you are?

how can you tell that you are right. That you always do. when someone else hurts because of that?

Someone will always get hurt but that doesn’t mean that you are right.

war. everyday, every minute, every second.

war. with yourself, with strangers, with someone you love, with someone who loves you.

war. to die, to love, to live, to survive, to defend, to give up.

isn’t there any other way?

because the winners might not be right nor all the losers.

Just Breathe, everything will be ok.

(via cassjoream)

The story of us

“And it takes all my strength, Not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay. The biggest part of me, you were the greatest thing And now you’re just a memory to let go of”

thoughts…

This morning I stayed a little while before going to school. I usually go with my father but this morning my brother had an off day of school so the driver drove me. I sat in the living room for a while then I think it was the wind. It was the wind, that smelled, felt like the wind when I was a child. I could felt the freedom, the freshness of it. That made me go like ‘where have I been? I should go out more’ But life isn’t about that anymore, I grew up. As I’m growing up, I have more responsibilities, a little time, so much pain, few good laughs, the realization of life is so much harder than I could ever imagined before. I have saturdays and sundays, and I could go like ‘hey I wanna feel the wind, maybe I should go bicycling’ and then I’d do exactly what I think. But the reality is so much complicated than that. Like saturday… I’d be still passed out from friday because the week is just simply exhausting. And then I’d be up like almost so late and then I have things to do like go with family or friends or just too tired to do anything then sunday, I’d catch up with homeworks and shit like that or go with friends and family or still too tired to do anything. I’d wake up so late and catch up with movies or anything that could entertain myself a little. I’m tired. It’s awesome to be where I am right now. But its not easy. I just wish I still had the time when I can enjoy the universe and the wind… The feeling of freedom and not worrying about anything. Its the third day of final exam. And I feel like I wanna pass out, like I wish I could disappear or sleep and never wake up. I don’t know why. I’m stressed, I don’t so anything. Which makes me more depressed that makes me not do anything and not doing anything makes me hate myself more despite the fact that I can’t. Maybe because I don’t understand anything maybe if I did it won’t change a thing. Maybe I have learning disabilities. I don’t know. So much things to figure out. Wish me luck anyway.

another day

Just another day..

I’m scared, future and everything, its so overwhelming, not knowing what will happens, bad or good, really, no joke

I sometimes wonder, you know, I do know the strength of praying but Ive been disappointed too, I have faith will all my heart but what will it be, I just dont know what to do other than pray, put the hope high to God, and let Him do the rest

the moment when you know you have 70 % of failing and 30% of winning, the moments when you know you are already failed but still put your hope high in the air, the moment when you know youre gonna be miserable in a matter of a few days, the moment of being afraid of something new, the moment of being scared to death

it feels like the end of the world, when you know youre so close for being failed there are just two options: miracle happens or you’re failed. what can you do are two : Pray for a miracle or Accept it.

Accept it and move on

if only these are two things, two easy things that I can do without feeling the pain.

I dont know how I’m gonna drag my own feet to walk on this road again, they say it should be a happy road. I kinda wanna say “bullshit” but i know I just want to shut up and suffer in silence

I kinda wanna think that I’m not alone but the fact that I am is too real to lie to myself.

I wanna be mad, I want to be angry to God I just know I can’t

what I think is funny about myself is that… I feel helpless, for fun lets just say I feel I dont want to live, Ive been feeling it a long time ago but hey I’m here, writing this, breathing

I just didnt know I’m this strong, and many people dont know yet their own strength until the day come, throw you down, you feel like youre choking but you still survive

So I might be not perfect, I’ll never be, it’s a total fact.

but I love who I am, and I love God. It’s what keeping me here today