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how do you learn about life?

it is such a complexion to comprehend how people work with each other, with emotions, with certain situation, with happiness, sadness or anger.

every each one of individual in this world is so different and when they are put in certain situation it is almost impossible for people to relate and try to understand putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. Because when they say “I know, I understand” no they don’t. it’s just a civilized way to comfort people.

and how can you ever take a side?

how can you ever tell someone that they are right or they are wrong?

isn’t your judgment based on what you believe?

and how can you tell that we are, every human being is given the same belief?

don’t we all find it? create it? isn’t that what shape you into who you are?

how can you tell that you are right. That you always do. when someone else hurts because of that?

Someone will always get hurt but that doesn’t mean that you are right.

war. everyday, every minute, every second.

war. with yourself, with strangers, with someone you love, with someone who loves you.

war. to die, to love, to live, to survive, to defend, to give up.

isn’t there any other way?

because the winners might not be right nor all the losers.

 

I met someone at breakfast place today. I went to hotel downtown and had a grand good breakfast for the day. I was chilling out, and eating my third pancake at the time. When I saw a lanky boy, with red beanie, shorts and purple t-shirt, alarm in my head started ringing as my eyes focused on the target.. had a good five minutes inspecting this guy and it was really creepy… I mean I was really creepy and I admired almost everything, decided to get some juice just for the sake to walk past by him and he was still deciding on the dilemma of getting pancakes or waffles as I walked past him again and back to my seat, he started getting pancakes and I was back to staring at him and mentally drooling and when he was out of sight and back to his seat……..

wait a minute

no

not possible

aren’t you…..?

wait

You are…..

shit.

scared to death…

face the fears. My thoughts have been scaring me these past days. I don’t know which one is scarier, knowing the future or not knowing at all. I mean, yes you can be prepared when you know it, but it will haunt you and it’s not easy especially when you know you can’t escape it. Trapped in your own destiny, knowing that it is killing you slowly. I know nothing last forever, this will pass. all the joy and the pain… I just can’t wrapped this around my head because I’m not ready and I will never be. But time.. is not my friend, neither is yours because it won’t wait, it can’t be bought, it can’t be replayed or forwarded, no matter what you do, no matter who you are. deal with this. 

you can never truly grow as a person until you’ve taken everything the world can throw at you, sometimes you just have to let it hit you and move on. 

John O’callaghan the fifth 

Happy New Year

So, I’m here on the rooftop somewhere downtown. Listening to the horns everywhere, sounds of fireworks, enjoying my starbucks cup of chocolate caramel, with my family and just enjoying the sight of the last night in 2011. The season is still pretty much holiday, pretty much christmas and the christmas lights are still hanging on the trees, and the lights from the high buildings… It’s nice you know, to be here, to have a chance to live and see how beautiful world can be, how joy is like the air we breathe, it’s nice and well, sad maybe at the same time because we had to end a year that might have been a good one for us. I felt great. I felt magical last year, I was celebrating new year in the happiest place, Disneyland in Los Angeles. It meant so much to me because it was my dream, to come to US and I had fun there. It was unforgettable moment, and now I’m here in my own country, secretly can’t move on from that memory that I want to relive. But you know, it’s time. Time is keep moving forward and it doesn’t ever stop to wait for you. I’m realizing that I can’t keep dwelling on my past. And 2011 has been great. No it wasn’t an easy year. It’s a great one because God has blessed me so much. God has given me so much than I could ask for, and I thank God that I still have a chance to breathe until this second and not one second I live without gratefulness of the joy and blessing He has given me. It started so greatly, in the first second of 2011 I was screaming on the top of my lungs in Disneyland, and then I was dancing with my friends, until 3 in the morning, it was so dreamy and I remembered it like it happened just yesterday. Time flies, those were stressful days because there was national exam coming up and then I did it, it turned out good enough for me but not for my parents and then I did some tests and didn’t make it to get accepted into schools I wanted, and I had to register to schools I didn’t know and stuff, they were hard for me, my parents were angry, and my tutor who supposed to lead how to register to some schools did some mistake and it turned out that I couldn’t register anywhere. So miserable days, when my parents all were angry, I had nowhere to go, my friends has school and on vacation now, it was a lot of pressure for me until the day of the first day of school, the school I really wanted to go to, called me and offer the empty chair. I mean I knew lots of people who wanted it just as bad as I was and I can’t thank God enough for this. It was a miracle for me and the fact that God chose me made me feel grateful to be where I am now. In 2011 I went to my first concert ever too, it was A Rocket To The Moon, Hey Monday and. The Downtown Fiction in one night. My friends are all going so, in the venue when I was bumped into someone, it must’ve been someone I know lol. It was a great concert, small venue, lots of people that made it thick with ‘concert feeling’ you know the crowd. Jumping, makes the band speechless that we were so loud, I didn’t really know the songs but it gave me chills and goosebumps because how loud people were and they were like singing along with passion, and yeah I loved it. The next concert followed, my second one. This was really big concert, it was Paramore. Yes, it was sick! I mean no one I know wanted to watch it. So I had to watch it alone. I just knew that one my friend went to watch it and I met one old friend there. I didn’t get front row but man…. I know all the songs, and it was outdoor, and I was dancing all night long, screaming the lyrics on the top of my lungs, seeing hayley headbanging, and jeremy jumping, taylor being so cute with the traditional hat. And it was, my birthday present from my dad :) Highschool is great. I made some friends, new ones… Loads of work though. But so far, its been good. New experience of discipline, like I went for a trip to a village in the middle of nowhere and stay there, and do all on my own, like cleaning and cooking…. Glad it wasn’t always me though, my friend is a good cook so thank God for that lol. And for my friends from LA to here. It’s a blessing to know them. We have reunion like once a month if we can, and it’s always been crazy great. Love them! And for my family in US. I love you guys so much, to The Riley’s family thank you for a great christmas last year, I can’t thank you guys enough. All the family has been so welcoming and nice, and to my host family, The Kubacki’s, to Mary, Paul and Joel. I love you guys and I wish for the best. To the US, I’m gonna be back as soon as I can. I will come back. I just wanna thank God for all the blessings he hasn’t stop giving me. Thanks to the joy and to the lessons of life and my hope is to be success and be a better person in this new year, I hope it’s a great year and I can’t wait to experience all the new great events. HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!

Merry Christmas!!

Whoa christmas is here already man… I’d have to agree that it’s the best time of the year. I’ve always loved December. For some reason, I love the idea of cold and grey cloudy sky, freezing breez, boots and coats… And I just happen to love the holiday season when the starbucks cups go red and christmas lights around houses, santa clause, presents…. Oh ginger bread!! I feel the joy of togetherness and memories. Last christmas, I was in san francisco. It was definitely the best time I could ever ask for. All the families, the joy and the greatness of laughters, you know… All together in one. It was really nice to be a part of it. I felt like I belong there, hand in hand, praying. Merry christmas everyone! I hope you enjoy your holiday season surrounded by joy and love. xoxo, Intanthalia

The story of us

“And it takes all my strength, Not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay. The biggest part of me, you were the greatest thing And now you’re just a memory to let go of”

Thirty days challenge: day 9. Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

My ex bestfriend

This happened in middle school. Looking back I was making it a big deal but in the end I accepted and turned out that I don’t really care about it.

This is story from the start. I met her in fourth grade, she transferred, a new girl in town. And I was a wreck, bullied at school, pretty much experiencing hell. I needed a friend. I wasn’t really talkative with people I don’t know, an in that school, people play with their group. Clearly I just got kicked out from my own group but uh.. Well I made friends with other people finally, the one that she blended in with.

So we became friends, and after that bestfriends. we hung out all together and we were on the phone until midnight just joking for hours. It was good, turned out that we graduated and accepted in school we wanted. And it’s all good we have the same class together along our 7th grade.

I’m not a bully, I wasn’t so either. I just love making jokes and sometimes it just gone too far. either way it seemed like I made fun of her all through 7th grade. I don’t know if this was the reason but maybe it was.

I was angry too, disappointed, we grew apart and she made friends with new people so… I guess whatever she wants, whatever the best for her.

Well life changes, people change, so do you.

I hate to feel the way I do now. Scared shitless, just wanting to be left alone to die.

Because nothing is going right. Not one single thing in my life ever could cooperate with me.

I just can’t face the world, I don’t know what I’m talking I’m wordless about what I feel right now. I feel lost, I just wanna sleep it off until it’s all over but I can’t. It’s like life is waitin on me but the time is frozen while all the things start bumping into each other.

Depressed.

Reality is too much to handle right now

I hope someone hear me calling I hope someone listen to my cries

I just cant face this world