The story of us

“And it takes all my strength, Not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay. The biggest part of me, you were the greatest thing And now you’re just a memory to let go of”

Why I wasn’t strong enough to just say it.

we were on the edge  of our last step, and he made it easier for me just to throw him away like i wanted to. But I didn’t. I pulled him back and hug him instead, while his loving and fucking too understanding heart embrace me with love.

I let him in again, trying to remember how much time, how much love he gave me.

trying to believe that this feels the same like it used to be. I dont  have to lie, I dont have to say it aloud, it seems easy while Im battling with myself and mentally kick myself for saying “This is just like the old time”

because all of me know it’s not, my eyes, my heart, all organs in this body denies it. It’s different now. He can’t wait. He wants more, you’re only hurting him. He doesnt  need me like he used to, he doesnt want me that way again, he is not  different like everyone else you meet in the coffee shop.

I love him. I never stopped.

that is the worst part because I can’t hurt him. I dont want him to be hurt and I   dont want to lose him.

While I know I have to let him go. it has to be this way. It’s not working.

And us, we, him and I are changed.The only reason we hang on is just we still love each other like Mary and Paul. But we know better that we can’t go back to when we were so perfect to each other. Our love isn’t strong enough to give it back to us.

Why leaving him still hurt me? I’m trying to work it out but there is nothing to fix.

We can’t go back again. Not after we are changed. permanently changed, damaged. I dont know  him anymore, so we have to learn about each other again. And i dont know if I like the new side of him.

If only he doesnt act like an angel I wouldnt have been worried like shit.

I hate to hurt him. I have to.

Love just can’t be more simple that what people said.